DOG LIMERICKS
A poodle went to the salon
the hair on her rear end was shawn
as she sauntered outside
she was quickly espied
by a collie, who quickly climbed on!
I met this incredible sheilah
I took her home, then tried to feel her
but there on her couch
I gave a loud "OUCH!"
her chaperone was a rottweiler!
I went to a dog show at Krupps
unfortunately, deep in my cups,
a basset hound, lying
tripped me, I went flying
into trophies and ribbons and pups!
I lived in Alaska with ease
no worries, not once did I freeze
I slept with my pinscher
and when it was winter
I dragged in my three pekinese!
A chihuahua with determination
tried to rise well above his low station
he is now so much sadder
cos he fell off his ladder
whilst trying to bonk an alsation!
Forgive me but I have the hots
for that cute little number in spots
you're crying damnation
cos she's a dalmation?
how about that chow...I like her lots!
A man sat and talked to a dingo
who hadn't a clue re the lingo
the man said" I'm rude,
can I offer you food?"
The dingo just grinned and said "Bingo!"
My beagle was feeling quite poor
and left a big poo on my floor
as I aimed for his jewels
to teach him the rules
he farted and ran out the door!
A cat burglar crept on a boat
"Plenty to steal" did he gloat
as he tiptoed on deck
felt the teeth grip his neck
the doberman ripped out his throat!
I once took a sheep dog to bed
"fabulous sex" someone said
as try as I might
that bastard would bite
all I got was a pat on the head!
A mongrel was looking quite glum
did not know his dad or his mum
a saint bernard beauty
came along, did her duty,
he burped and said "thanks for the rum."
I took my dog out for a walk
with a lady I started to talk
she was so overcome
with the smell from his bum
that I plugged up his ass with a cork!
A malamute said to a peke
"I ain't had a crap for a week,
I've only peed twice
and it came out as ice,
my bum's frozen, I'm up the creek!"
I taught my small doggie to ride
(regrets I have now, I confide)
I encouraged him: "Ride Far!"
he fastened a sidecar
and pissed off with my brand new bride!
You know nature quite often calls,
I've been known to defile a few walls
You call me a dog?
Well, my brain is agog!
Never once have I licked my own balls!
I realized love was a folly
Lost Holly and Polly and Dolly,
Now I live a great life
Coz I have a fine wife
See, I married my cute border collie!
