FARM LIMERICKS
A pedigree bull had been tutored
but with cows he was not well reputed
he came out one day
and confessed he was gay
so the farmer then ordered him neutered!
The one thing the horses don't like
is farmer Brown's new Honda bike
they got so despondent
from feeling redundant
they voted and went out on strike!
Two roosters were having a fight
over hens, and which one had the right
to serve all the chicks
used both punches and kicks
the layers looked on with delight!
A feller, morose and in jail
was heard in the evening to wail
"I meant no-one harm
just crept to the farm
and smoked me a giant hay-bale!"
A farmer, in town on the booze
threw up on a city guy's shoes
when asked would he fight
he said "Yeah, I might
with pitchforks or tractors? You choose!"
Macdonald was famous, you know
Each year at his farm he would grow
these pumpkins so grouse
one as big as a house,
it ended up champ: "Best in Show"
A real grassy story, not half!
This farmer grew dope for a laugh
But this was the pits
Cows stoned off their tits
He shouldn't have used it as chaff!
A farmer's wife served up a pie
the parson, a gleam in his eye
said: "that tasted funny
sort of creamy and runny"
She said "Yeah, all from the pigsty!"
The bank had already rebuffed
Our loan, my account pretty scuffed
To see the drought through
We grew some dope, too
You don't think it's right? Go get stuffed!
A sweet farmer's daughter, Eliza
goes walking, this feller espies her
now there's no maybe
she's having a baby
the lesson: Avoid fertilizer!
A farm boy from East Alabama
Heard an unusual clamour
The goat run amok
And was driving the truck!
(He taught him the rules with a hammer)
A pig said "I really don't think
that I have an oderous stink
I bathe every day
and all the girls say
My skin is a marvelous pink!"
In a cornfield young Johnny said "Phew,
You know a few tricks that are new!"
His love batted eyes
Murmured soft, loving sighs
And after a while uttered..."Moo!"
Billy was driving his tractor,
Said "Sex isn't really a factor
Whenever I'm lonely
I dress up a pony
Thanks to Mabeline and to Max Factor!"
Young Billy, from East Albuquerque
Was dancin' a storm, very jerky
They then stopped the dance
Asked him "What's in yer pants"
He sheepishly told 'em "A turkey!"
Poor farmer Giles is dead
The service was held prayers all said
He just didn't know
How fast small bulls can grow
Fancy dying his overalls red!
A farmer was harvesting maize
His eyes started slowly to haze
A holey exhaust
Through the cabin it coursed
And he drove in a drug-induced daze!
A farmer was smokin' some skank
Said "I have my Pappy to thank
He left me the deeds
And enough hooter seeds
To laugh all the way to the bank!"
A big cattle rancher from Texas
Said "That Cattle Inspector affects us
Just coz my steers
Are fattened with beers
He condemns 'em all, just to vex us!"
A farm girl let out a huge wail
She was watching a stallion sale
She batted her eyes
As she gasped at the size
Of the horse's - ha! you got it wrong - tail!
