FISHING LIMERICKS
I caught a big tuna – the best!
The highlight of my fishing quest,
but oh, what a rort,
we got back to port,
to receive a big “NO” from John West!
I caught a big crab on my line,
they said: “Hold it up,” I said: “Fine”
But then I yelled “Ow!”
And look at me now:
if you count my fingers – there’s nine!
My last fishing trip was a flop,
the rain and the wind wouldn’t stop,
my wife got her wish,
I took home some fish,
(it’s a secret they came from the shop!)
I hooked up a shark – what a beast!
he towed my boat steadily east,
we got near Fiji,
I jumped in the sea,
and that’s when his mates had a feast!
I dug up a worm, it was slimy,
he sat there and yelled at me – blimey!
“You think worms are great –
but there’s other bait,
I’d rather that you didn’t try me!”
I went to the lake to catch bass,
my motor boat ran out of gas,
I rowed it with zest,
got pains in the chest,
and died at the boat ramp – alas!
I bought me a rod and some hooks,
and read all the best fishing books,
but nothing was landed –
came home empty-handed...
I had to eat one of my chooks!
I fished from the jetty till late,
the wind, moon and tide were all great,
although I caught none,
the trip was such fun,
the next time I’ll try it with bait!
I saw a small twitch in my rod,
I smiled, getting ready for cod,
when I had a look
I had a bare hook,
he’d stolen my worm, the big sod!
My fishing club went to the weir,
we took a huge truckload of gear,
four rods that were new,
a sandwich or two,
and three hundred cases of beer!
I felt the fish bite, so I struck,
I landed him quickly – what luck!
I held up my prize,
the fish rolled its eyes
and then it threw up on me – Yuk!
I sat there and fished in the mud,
then I heard the thunder go thud,
the doctor’s report:
“He died for his sport,
a river, a storm – then flash flood!”
