HALLOWEEN LIMERICKS
Wanda the witch, on her broom
swept through the town yelling "ZOOM!"
through a perchance of luck
never heard the big truck
and she zoomed on her broom to her doom
A witch and a warlock had sex
she went to the doc for some checks
the doc said "Oh dear,
it is herpes, I fear"
and she mixed up a hell of a hex!
"Gentlemen please, all be seated,
I don't want this to be repeated,
I've gathered you here
to announce, with a tear,
I've never once been trick or treated!"
A Halloween bash in my street
was a night that will never repeat
the spirits that come
were tequila and rum
and I ended up drunk on my feet!
A werewolf was skinny, a freak
with a huge gummy grin he did speak
"Never eat French
coz, as well as the stench
your teeth will fall out in a week!"
It must have been midnight or more
and yet there was a knock on my door
well now, it's far too late
to play trick or treat, mate
but a cute blonde stood there - dial-a-whore.
I'm sorry, I know it's my fault
my Halloween sins I should halt
but the neighbours' kids here
pissed me off for a year
so I laced all their candy with salt!
Dracula wailed to the sky
"My job really sucks" was his cry
"bloody paychecks
and I'm so sick of necks
what I'd like is a nice apple pie!"
An Egyptian prince was a dummy
he drank too much, became a rummy
when the grim reaper came
and called out his name
he cried and he wailed for his Mummy!
Yesterday I met a priest
he was sitting enjoying a feast
when I questioned his conscience
he said "stuff and nonsense"
and gave me the sign of the beast
folks who hate folks make me grin
they're such lovely people within
we don't need walpurgis
the truth it should urge us
we're all skeletons, covered with skin
Tricking and treating's a prank
but somebody really should thank
the Gods for the candy
to dentists it's dandy
they laugh all the way to the bank!
