NUMBERS LIMERICKS
She figured "It's just for one night,
he's rich and I'm feeling all right"
despite all his money
the guy was quite funny
he swung like an ape from the light!
Two good ole boys, drinkin' a treat
Invited a fight in the street
The first punch they throwed
Saw them down on the road
The next think they felt was some feet!
A sailor was lonely at sea
He cried “How I wish I was free!
I just need a date”
And then the third mate
Said coyly “Well, what about me?”
A foursome was golfing one day
But on the fourth hole the fairway
Was peppered with holes
The curator said “Moles”
The ladies cried: “Prick! We won’t play!”
Five nuns were playing croquet
In the park on a bright sunny day
A gang of young men
Came upon them and then
“Thank the lord” they said “Girls, let us pray!”
Magicians know all of the tricks
But Merlin had thrown in a fix
He’d work up a spell
With some magic from hell
His number, you see: 666!
A Priest, at the doorstep of Heaven
Said: “You know my name – Father Kevin”
St. Peter said: “Fine,
Just get in the line,
Number two two five three one four seven!”
A pirate was out on a date
He got amorous, she said “Wait…
I like you, sweet honey,
But I also like money,
So let’s see your pieces of eight!”
A German girl, feeling quite fine,
Because of some bottles of wine
When taken to bed
By a football team, said:
“I told you before guys, just nine!”
A mate of mine, "Marryin' Ben"
Was marrying some girl again
When told "It won't last"
He cried "That's the past,
I've a feeling about number Ten!"
I went to the hospital doc
Said “My thing is as hard as a rock”
I pulled down my pants
He took a quick glance
Operation: Eleven o’clock!
I said to the judge: “This is crap!
I shouldn’t be taking this rap
twelve bucks for a steak
was too much to take
so I blew the food joint off the map!”
I felt me a need for some lovin’
so joined me a neat witches’ coven
I was number thirteen
and new, young and clean
My God! So much pushin’ and shovin’”
