OLYMPIC GAMES LIMERICKS
The rowing eight came to the docks
Clear winners, such muscular jocks,
They'd rowed with such pace
Took their medals with grace,
And then the Mayor's wife kissed their cox!
A long jumper from Lichtenstein
Got drunk in a bar, and cried "Nein,
I've run and I've jumped
But I've never been humped,"
(Ten spectator girls formed a line!)
My girlfriend is ever so fickle,
Competes for the hammer and sickle,
She's huge and she's hot
Great at putting the shot,
And she'll punch your lights out for a nickel!
A gymnast performed a routine
The best that the judges had seen
He tumbled and flipped
And then danced as he dipped
Whilst playing a small tambourine!
She only had one chance at gold
A baby, eleven years old...
The coach saw her plight
And asked: "You all right?"
She answered him: "Shit, no I'm cold!"
Edwardo was shooting the skeet
His accuracy couldn't be beat,
He'd trained with some thugs
Who distributed drugs
And he sharpened his aim on the street!
The hurdlers picked up the pace
And then one crashed out of the race
The crowd rose as one
Then saw what he'd done:
His kneecap stuck out of his face!
In jodhpurs she ran round the course
Attempting to capture her horse
"How the hell can I jump
If I'm not on your rump?"
The whinny came back: "Use the Force!"
I entered the kayaking team,
Olympics- my old childhood dream,
It turned out so bad,
Them buggers are mad!
Spend half the time rowing upstream!
I'm wanted - Though not that it matters,
My athletics life is in tatters,
My javelin flew...
Hit a starter - oh, pooh!
Amazing how human blood spatters!
The podium beckons - I choke...
A medal? For this humble bloke?
But then the applause
Turned to slamming of doors,
I came back to Earth as I woke!
Marathon, sunlight and showers
I finish, the people throw flowers,
I'm feeling sublime,
Then look up at my time...
The Kenyan has beat me by hours!
An English weight-lifter call Brown
Attempted a record - the clown,
He lifted, and farted,
Elastic then parted,
They laughed as his trousers fell down!
