SHAKESPEARE LIMERICKS
Young Will had a bee in his bonnet:
"I can't seem to find my new sonnet"
"I don't find that queer..."
(Thought Mrs. Shakespeare)
"I think I spilled coffee upon it!"
"Will Shakespeare is booted from team!"
The college news headlines did scream
Young Will was caught cheating
Was led away bleating:
"Twas only a Midsummer's Dream!"
"I have quite a dual persona"
Said Will to his fishing mate, Jonah
"One's name is Ricardo,
The other's Edwardo
Two gents, and both live in Verona!"
Whilst in an olde tavern one day
They suddenly put on a play
The waiter walked by
And William said: "I
asked for 'omelette' not 'Hamlet' Oi vay!"
Will finished his work called 'Othello"
And said "I'm a fabulous fellow
I just wrote a play
and five sonnets today
After lunch I will learn to play cello!"
Mrs. Shakespeare yelled: "Where are you?
It's supper time, come eat your stew!"
The Bard rushed on in
And said, wearing a grin:
"I just finished Taming a Shrew!"
The Bard was a man amongst men
Wrote sonnets again and again
A cruel witches' curse
Repeated each verse
Iambic, and syllables: ten!
The King called the Bard to his court
Demanded his daughter be taught
But the Princess's verses
Were sprinkled with curses
Poor Will was beheaded, for sport!
Old Shylock had glee in his eyes
He held up his pound of flesh prize
"I'm feeling no guilt
No blood has been spilt
I learnt a new trick - Cauterize!"
"This new King is making me sick
He's ugly and vain and he's thick
It's really absurd
Wanting Richard the Third
When I've already named the play 'Dick'"
Young Romeo came on the news
With tears in his eyes did accuse
"Those Capulet scum
Can all kiss my bum"
(then was stabbed by fifteen Montagues)
Young Will played Cyrano at tennis
His high-bouncing serve was a menace
But at forty-thirty
He cried "Don't get shirty-
I'm off to write 'Merchant of Venice'!"
The Stratford wind blew rather hard
Will's sonnets were strewn round the yard
He cried o'er his loss
And then got so cross
He said "Stuff it - I'm quitting as Bard!"
