TELEVISION LIMERICKS
My eyes are all red and forlorn
I wish that I’d never been born
I paid extra, see
to cable TV
and stay up all night watching porn!
The Simpsons are on once again
a product of Matt Groenig’s pen
I see Homer guzzle
but can’t solve the puzzle
after 20 years why is Bart ten!
I love watching sport, I’m a guy
the weekends they go quickly by
I’m as fat as a horse
my wife wants divorce
I still haven’t figured out why!
My TV set gave out some smoke
I instantly knew it was broke
my plan of attack:
I’ll rip off the back
and put out the fire with some Coke!
My neighbor was sitting, in tears
I think he’d had too many beers
the scene wasn’t funny –
I saw a dead bunny
he’d tried to use real rabbit ears!
That Springer’s the talk show host king
his guests will say most anything
it’s taped every night
there’s always a fight
his studio’s really a ring!
I got on to “Let’s Make a Deal”
and picked all the cases with zeal
I won lots of dough
then found, to my woe
the money you win isn’t real!
McGuiver’s not much of a hunk
yet women will call him a spunk
the silly old geek
escapes every week
with stuff that he makes out of junk!
I never watch channel eighteen
their programs are wholesome and clean
I prefer channel eight
their sitcoms are great
and late nights they get quite obscene!
My set is the latest HD
which means very little to me
it’s modern and cool
but I’m such a fool
I can’t even spell LCD!
I watch sixteen hours a day
my skin is now pallid and grey
I never see sun
or meet anyone
but Doctor Phil says I’m okay!
I’ve racked up a huge pile of debts
but this is as good as it gets
they all laugh at me
but I love TV
each room in my house has three sets!
The cable TV contract came
I happily signed with my name
now I get TV
that my neighbor gets free
the programs are mostly the same!
The show was the worst that I’ve seen
four actors all talking obscene
they stripped to the buff
and I’d had enough
so I threw a brick through the screen!
