VALENTINE LIMERICKS
Please be my sweet Valentine
and then my life will be fine
please don't shake your head
let's just jump into bed,
and finish that bottle of wine!
I've loved you so long from afar
as you're always there at the bar
be my Valentine -
we'll go out and dine -
then hump in the back of my car!
I don't want to blow my own trumpet
but I'm not a bad piece of crumpet
for breakfast or tea
you can always eat me
now be mine, and like it or lump it!
I'm sending this Valentine's card,
and trying to rhyme like a bard,
a Shakespeare I'm not -
but I think you're hot -
when I see you I always get hard!
I know that you think I'm a slob,
one day I will find me a job,
and then, Valentine,
I'll get what is mine:
a humongous kiss on your gob!
I know that the classroom's got guys,
more handsome than me and more wise,
but, Valentine dear
whenever you're near
they strip all your clothes with their eyes!
For Valentine's Day, how 'bout this:
I pay you ten bucks for a kiss
but not on your face -
I'll pick out a place
that will show you the meaning of bliss!
My life is a virtual ball
I just peeked out into the hall
my sweet Valentines
queued up in their lines
I hope I can get to them all!
I bought you some candy last year
you said it went straight to your rear
this Valentine's Day
no chocolate tray -
I bought you a six-pack of beer!
