CHRISTMAS LIMERICKS
An elf said to Santa: "Oh Dear,
we've not enough presents this year"
that made St. Nick think:
Now he'd given up drink
he could give all the children some beer!
A blizzard blew in Christmas eve,
and just as St. Nick went to leave,
"That's great," Santa said,
"I'm off back to bed,
it's lucky I'm just make-believe!"
For Christmas, it's Barbies and Kens,
and bicycles, game boys, light pens,
but Dad wrote a letter
told Santa he'd better
deliver a Mercedes-Benz!
One chimney was locked with a chain
and Santa was wracking his brain
"The crime rate down here
gets worse every year
I don't think I'll bother again!"
Old Santa got drunk on warm ale
"I'm too old for Christmas" his wail
"But what of the toys
for the good girls and boys?"
"I'll send all the presents by mail!"
With Santa away on his run
the elves made a plan to have fun
they took mistletoe
hung it out in the snow
then blew it away with a gun!
When Rudolph got hurt in a fight
he couldn't lead Santa that night
too much Christmas cheer
and eggnog, and beer,
his red nose was shiny, all right!
Old Santa said “Donner, let’s go”
But Dasher and Dancer said “No!
That Blitzen is stupid
He’s fallen for Cupid
And won’t let her out in the snow!”
Way up in the Arctic one day
The elves had a big holiday
No toys would be made
Unless benefits paid,
And dental and severance pay!
The sleigh had broke down in the wet
And Santa was starting to fret
Then Rudolph said “Man,
I’ve a neat, cunning plan,
Involving a hot jumbo jet!”
Prancer was over the moon
The toy run would be over soon
That Vixen, the sinner,
Ate baked beans for dinner
And the others were starting to swoon.
Santa said “Look, in the snow
A traveling bordello show
Nice little lookers
I counted three hookers
Which leads me to say: Ho Ho Ho!”
